There’s something building inside of me. It’s taken awhile to come back, but it wasn’t ripped out by the roots although it sure felt like it. It started to quietly sprout last year in the background. This year, there’s leaves and the hint of a blossom. I felt it when I was riding up the Rico Silverton Trail several weeks ago, making my way to a section of the Colorado Trail I never made it to in 2011. Ever since what actually is the greatest failure I’ve endured in my life (yes, that sounds dramatic but it was the only thing I’ve set my mind to do in my life and failed it), I’m almost ready to go back. The Colorado Trail Race(CTR) is one of the hardest races in the world – a 550 self supported mountain bike race through the rugged and remote Colorado Rockies. I still shiver with excitement when I think of it. As my tires crunched the grainy dirt at 11,000′ on segment 25 of the Colorado Trail a few weeks ago, I felt the desire to try again. The fear of failure was not longer dominating my obsession to open my plastic bin with the bikepacking gear in it and line up at the Waterton Canyon Trailhead. I pierced through the wind down a brown ribbon chasing views of mountain tops, I felt reborn and I laughed hysterically.
(Embarrassing, but that’s how it happened)
The CTR starts pretty soon. I wish I could line up this year, but I have other conquests. 2014 or 2015 will be my year. If I fail, the disappointment will send me back to my hole of depression… but I’m finally excited to try again. I’ve done so much since then, and I feel so much more prepared. It was almost stupid to try in 2011 with only 2 years of endurance racing under my belt and only 2 multi-day races. Now I’m a seasoned veteran, but I could still be defeated. I guess that’s why I have a burning desire to return.
On a lighter note, here’s some photos from my ride on the Colorado Trail, and a video coming soon!