At least on the website they write “scratch” instead of DNF. I went to Breckenridge, and then it was over. I could not go on. For whatever reason, something inside me would not let me get on my bike this morning. The weather also looked pretty dangerous. It would have been better not to know. I should not have gone into town. I made the right decision for myself at the time and spent 3 hours mulling it over. Regardless, game over. I now sit here thinking, “did I do the right thing?”
I’m bitterly disappointed. I don’t know what to do now but feel empty. People say don’t beat yourself up, but someone with high expectations and 6 months of preparation can do nothing but that. What the hell happened to the strong person with the iron will? Where did I go?
There will be other adventures. Step one will be moving through feeling sorely depressed and looking forward. I will likely not return to CTR, but I am still wanting to do some fun bikepacking adventures in the future. Who knows…
I’ll be eagerly watching my brave friends press on. Wish I could be there with you.
