French people were pissed during Louis XIV. They’re starving
and living in poverty while good ‘ol Louie Louie is living
high off the hog spending tons of money just to cut
all the trees in a square shape!!!
Ahhhh…the wonderful pasttime of driving in da Querque. I’ll set the scene… a crowded, slow-moving freeway littered with HUGE suburbans, Sequoias, Hummers, Escalades, Ford F350s… oversized gas guzzlers with their fat, bloated counterparts driving solo to work at a whooping 8 miles to the gallon. And don’t forget the W04 sticker stuck to the back window. But wait! They can’t leave the house or back their beast of a vehicle out of their driveway without getting on their cell phone. On the way to work, the walrus drivers must stop by a gas station to get their FIRST 44 oz Big Gulp of high fructose corn syrup ridden Coke of the day. Don’t worry, Mr. Walrus will get a refill at lunch and yet another on his way home when he has to refill his gas tank since he used 15 gallons just driving to work. And yes, the car companies now make over-sized cup holders to accomodate the gallons of soda these over-sized people guzzle every day. Soda and gas seem to be the staples of the gluttons– driver and SUV. After he gets home, fattie will sit down on his couch resting a beer and a huge bag of pork rinds on his big belly to watch reality TV. Back to the road!! This hippo of a driver owns the road, or so he thinks…blatantly changing lanes without regard for any of us environmentally conscious people with small cars. He blocks your view and his other SUV buddies block your peripheral view and all drive 10 mph below the speed limit. Dammit… and don’t worry, I won’t fail to mention that Mr. Walrus waits till the last minute to change lanes before his exit, cutting off the person in the lane next to him, causing a whole slowdown and a series of braking red lights to send me into a raging frenzy. I don’t want to leave out the trucks with the viper engines and spoilers. Now THOSE are cool.
There is also a whole other breed of drivers out there. Oh yes, let’s not leave out homeboy in his low-rider cadillac with the bumping stereo. My favorite is when they have the hydraulics in the back so the rear end of the car will bounce up and down. THAT is sexy. To complete the picture, I will add orange barrels… everywhere. The freeway and every road you would take to avoid the bad traffic on the freeway is under construction. One lane. There are lines of cars with their blinkers on as far as the eye can see. The roads you’d take to even get on the freeway have the on-ramps blocked off. You try and go to another road to get on the freeway only to find there is a no left-hand turn sign so you can’t get to that on-ramp either. Even the parking lots are under construction. Apparently our city planners aren’t too bright. Maybe those Big Gulps are going to their head.
With all that said, it’s okay to have an SUV if you are not using it to commute 40 mi to round trip alone in your car to work every day. If you actually USE it to carry sports equipment or even your whole litter of children on the way to soccer practice, it’s forgiveable. However, if you have a large vehicle with just yourself inside and a bike rack ON THE BACK or ON TOP, you are a chode. “Hey everyone! Look at me! Look at my bike! I drive an SUV and don’t put stuff in it! I’m so cool!”
Anyway, I will quit here. There is only so much angst one person can take in a day. Tomorrow is the duathlon where I will be in the hurt locker for a good while. You’ll hear about that in my next entry.