In this Mindfulness in Action episode, I’m sharing a spontaneous trail-side reflection on something that’s been very present for me lately: how we manage drive without burning out and how we stay truly connected in a world that keeps telling us to “go bigger.”
I talk about rethinking social media impact, why I’m increasingly prioritizing local and real-time connection, and how and asking better questions can completely change the quality of our relationships. I also share some simple practices I’ve been using, like voice memos and short phone calls, to stay meaningfully connected without adding more pressure or noise.
Synchronous, human connection matters so much for feeling valued. That’s why I wanted to explore how curiosity helps us move beyond surface-level interaction, and why small, intentional shifts can have a bigger impact than trying to reach everyone, everywhere.
I close with a short mindfulness practice you can do anywhere to help you reconnect with your body, reflect on when you feel most connected to others, and take one small step toward more meaningful connection in your everyday life.
You’ll learn to:
- Ground into your body, even while in motion
- Reflect on when you feel most connected to others
- Identify one small step you can take to create deeper, more meaningful connection offline
Other meditations:
– Slowing Down the Rush
– How to Regulate Your Emotions for Resilience and Performance
– How to Combat Self-Criticism
LISTEN TO SONYA
If you want to work towards your goals and more, check out my self-paced online course: Moxy & Grit Mindset Academy.
Episode Transcript
Sonya Looney 0:10
Welcome to grow the good. This is a podcast that uncovers the wisdom and potential that we already hold within ourselves others in the world. I’m your host. Sonya Looney, world champion and mental performance coach, as well as keynote speaker and mom to two little kids, and I’m really excited to help you grow the good in yourselves, others and the world.
Sonya Looney 0:37
Welcome back to another mindfulness in action. I’ll be honest, sometimes I really struggle with the podcast to get stuff posted, and my team at Palm Tree pod knows this well. Thankfully, they’re very patient. You know, some of it is I’ve been doing this for so long, like may will mark nine years that I’m not even really sure what to talk about. So that’s why, half the time I’m out here on my bike, running, reporting these ones, it’s also really embarrassing, because there’s people around it. So I guess it’s part of the fun. I’ve also been going really deep in my work, so that means I haven’t really been listening to any other podcasts, which is where I drive a lot of inspiration. Bring more work on mattering achievement and accomplishment and striving, the practice of it in real life, and trying to put together more theoretical things. Full update, it’s been a really busy start to the year. I went to Philadelphia straight out of the gates first week of January, because I’m an instructor in the Masters of Applied positive psychology, MAP program, second year doing that, which is really nice. We love engaging with the students. I love the continued learning journey from myself, and also it’s really humbling. Then I went straight into doing or preparing for two workshops. One of them, my flight got canceled, so I didn’t actually get to go yet, but I am doing mental performance coaching at the University of British Columbia for their men’s and women’s basketball and soccer teams, and so we’re doing an overarching theme of resilience. So the first workshop I did was in the fall, and it was more about the cognitive skills, and then this one was about mindfulness and emotional agility and how that pertains to resilience. That was the flight that got canceled, but or pretty hard to get that done. So it’s ready to go for when I go back. And then three days later, I did another workshop, which I also had to put together in that time. That one was about communication. And that one, I really enjoy. That one, it’s applicable everywhere. Maybe I should just make a podcast specifically about this. I think I will, for my next solo, see brainstorming in real time. It’s actually about how my coach training can be used in real life. So I’ve talked about active listening before. I’ve lectured on it at Berkeley for the Health Enhancement research organization. But I’ve taken this and I’ve put it into practice for sales people, people who in financial services, who are working with people, they’re some of the biggest challenges and transitions in their lives. Now they can use that listening with presence and intention and skillful responding to build relationship. Could be tricky when you’re building relationship with someone, but they’re also, you know, earning a commission from it. So how do you help people trust you also using motivational interviewing, which is another communication framework to help people when they’re ambivalent about change, and so that could be used everywhere. So really enjoyed that it was theoretical, but tons of experiential, and just felt really good to be in person, to see people’s enjoyment and a. Ha moments, and I just got back. So that was the start of the year for me, quite intense, but also really good. So now I’m in a period and a new period. Talked about intentional imbalance, where there’s intense periods, or just switching what the intensity is about. So that’s where I’m at right now. I’m excited to get back into my research and my writing, and for this podcast, I just want to talk quickly about a few things. So number one, try to be concise, just things I’ve noticed in my own life, social media use, of course, everybody talks about this number one, because of social media and the internet, you try to make an impact really broadly. Try to impact everybody. I gotta go big. And by doing that, you miss out on seeing the impact of your work in a more resonant capacity, meaning, like whenever you’re doing stuff online, you don’t get to see the people who are listening or using your stuff unless they tell you, you don’t get to actually see people’s faces. So a focus of mine is, yes, I want to do stuff online, still, obviously, or really taking the focus more locally, which I haven’t actually done, and I don’t know why, so I want to do that. My question for you is, how can you think Ilene Schaefer said this to me, she’s been a podcast guest. Like, how can you this isn’t the exact word she used, but like, go smaller, because going too big just be hard to see the value that you’re bringing. And I think so many of us are trying so hard to matter the core need. We’re working so hard to add value, but we don’t feel valued. I think in part with our work, it’s because of how we’re going about our work. So how can you do more local things, or one on one things where you can see, have this experience? The second thing, in relation to social media is a lot of people use following other people as a replacement for actually talking to that person, especially people who post often. I noticed this a lot in my own life, because I do post post a lot less than I used to, mainly because I have chosen to forego any sponsorships, because it just wasn’t good for me anymore. So now I don’t have to post on social media, but I still notice like family members or friends who will just see how I’m doing online. They’ll see the things I’m doing, but I don’t even know that they’re paying attention and friends as well, they’ll like know what I’m doing, and just watching what I’m doing helps them feel close to me, but I’m not hearing from them, and I don’t know what’s going on in their life. And yes, there’s onus on me to also reach out to them, but I’m just saying that, and I do this too. A lot of us will use watching people’s posts to get a pulse on what they’re doing and how they’re doing when in reality, it’s not accurate, and it damages your relationships, because don’t actually know how they’re doing. There is no connection. It’s just like watching. So a challenge I have for you and for me, is to continue to build connection in a way where it’s in real time, like so I guess that’s I always get these things, synchronous versus asynchronous. Synchronous connection. I wish you guys could see the trail I’m riding. I’m just so happy to be on my bike. Been training indoors a lot. I’m feeling really strong, but it’s just awesome to be outside. So what synchronous connection can you have? I’ve mentioned in previous podcasts that I have brought back the old school phone call, randomly calling my friends, steering for short conversations. Like, I think we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to have these long connections or a zoom call or whatever. Like, make an agreement with your friends, like, Hey, I’m gonna randomly call you. We might only have 10 minutes, and that’s fine. Like, a frequent consistency, i. Is way better than waiting for the perfect moment. So make a random call this week, or a random text or a random voice memo. Voice Memos are better than text messages, but sometimes it’s hard to listen. Like I I love voice memos, but I admit that sometimes it’ll take me a few days because to listen because I’m trying really hard to also be present with my children, and I don’t want to be listening to voice memos when I’m with them, and there’s intense times when I’m, you know, solo parenting, especially lately, with a busy life that we have right now.
Sonya Looney 10:36
So yeah, and more. How can you be more connected, even listening to this podcast or listening to like, when I listen to my friends podcasts, it’s like, I get my like connection. Like, oh, there’s a little hit of so and so, but they don’t know. But coming back to mattering, mattering is about feeling seen, feeling important, feeling missed, feeling like people care about you, that they want to hear from you, and so if you put it all out, I’m missing the word, if you like, put it all to podcast, social media, YouTube, whatever you’re missing. They’re missing that experience. I’m missing that experience. For one of my friends, I want to hear from you. And again, this isn’t the shaming, this is just the world we live in, just raising the awareness of it all. And it’s been really helpful for me to realize that in my own life, and it’s really helped me to have these connections. Another thing that I wanted to talk about was curiosity. Um, this kind of goes along with a lot of the the way, like the act of listening, and the motivational interviewing, like the way that we ask questions to ourselves for self reflection, and the way that we communicate with others and ask them questions, the quality of those questions matter. So asking open ended questions using what, how, when things like that, where the answer can’t be yes or no. Like, if you are you did you those types of questions, just a yes or no response and really trying to see what’s underneath at all. That was a sketchy corner. You shoot, I just did fun times. I love this god. I love mountain biking. Yeah, so the quality of your questions and being more curious in your relationships, I think a lot of us, either culturally or just we maybe just feel awkward asking people questions. And there is a line of, you know, inappropriate asking too much of somebody too soon. But just notice, like, am I getting to know this person better in these interactions? It doesn’t have to be super, you know, trauma bonding or anything like that. But like, am I getting to know this person better from these interactions that I’m having? And if that’s intimidating to you, going back to those open ended questions to give the people time to elaborate and being more playful. Playfulness is underrated, and I love playfulness. So that’s it really for today. I mean, I I put a lot of pressure on myself, like, oh, the podcast, I have to do, like, a really deep dive into something. It has to be, like, really valuable. And then, because of that decision fatigue and pressure, I won’t do anything. So that’s why I’ve started these. A year ago, started these mindfulness in action podcasts, because they’re completely spontaneous, which takes away the pressure, performance pressure, in some ways, and I just feel like I’m most myself when I’m on my bike in the forest or when I’m with my friends, but when I’m with my friends, well, I don’t know family, of course, but like When I’m with people, I can’t exactly record a podcast, so I’ll end today with a little mindfulness in action, um, mindfulness practice that will also bring into account some of the things I’ve talked about today. Hopefully you can hear me okay, because of the breeze, although in Squamish, the speed is not high on the trails because they’re so technical. So I think you can probably hear me, okay, settle into your body. Let it all go. Noticing type of energy you are bringing today. Do the buoyancy? Be lightness, or maybe a heaviness or a slowness, couple longer exhales to just ground yourself to where you’re at. You can do this in motion. I’m doing it right now on my bike, and actually it’s a skill to be able to ground yourself while you’re in motion, especially if you’re an athlete, notice what’s coming up for you. There’s something that I said got you thinking, maybe you’re really busy and you’re distracted. You’re like, this is really boring, and I wish you would stop doing these, whatever it is, knowledge, accept back to that feeling in your body
Sonya Looney 15:56
where it’s quiet and past mindfulness and actions, I’ve talked about
Sonya Looney 16:03
the fact that all the surging thoughts and feelings are the choppy waves on top of the ocean, and you’re the calmness underneath the sea. Find that.
Sonya Looney 16:18
Just keep this short gonna leave you one question. So we’ll be coming back to when do I feel most connected to the people around me? Try and recall the feeling in your body and feel connected and noticing the images that might pop up in your mind. Maybe there’s a bit of pain, regret or wanting the attention to that is that some information, when do I feel most connected?
Sonya Looney 17:07
Getting really in tune with your sensations give you so much information. That’s part of what mindfulness is. It’s the paying attention without judgment, present moment awareness getting as granular as you can. Sometimes we get so distracted by all the noise that we forget about this calm sea underneath. When do I feel most connected
Sonya Looney 17:42
now that you have that, ask yourself, What’s one thing can do, one small thing to create more connection, but is not online? Maybe it’s a phone call, Voice Memo, video, something random. How can I let go of it, needing to be perfect or needing it to last a long time? How can I be more curious? How
Unknown Speaker 18:29
what do I need?
Sonya Looney 18:35
now, coming back into the present moment, bringing forward the things that you felt, the things that you wish you had just taking one small step, that thing you committed to, letting it go. Thank you for listening, for your tension, means the world to me, for your curiosity,
Sonya Looney 19:05
for your patience with imperfect audio, because this is how I’m choosing to do these podcasts, instead of just sitting at my desk. If this
Sonya Looney 19:17
is working for you, these types of episodes, I want to hear what’s working or what resonated with you, so I can have more inspiration to know what to do next. Because I mentioned sometimes I feel like I don’t know what to even talk about. Or if any of this is helpful, we want this to make a difference for you. Thanks to my team at Palm Tree Pod Co. for your tireless work. For the listeners, you guys, there’s a core group of you who have been with me for a very long time that does not go unnoticed. Thank you for being here, for witnessing my growth, the changes in my own life, for sharing some of yours. And as always, I’m with you on this journey of personal growth adventure and our mission to be better every day. We’ll see you right back here next week!